i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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