i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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