I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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