got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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