you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
