So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
