I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
