My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
