I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
