Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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