My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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