Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I want to make a zoo with you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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