No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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