And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
