Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
