Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize