If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
