11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
