I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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