i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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