He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
