I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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