Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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