I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
