I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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