Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
