When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We talked him into tasing himself.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
