If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
