Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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