guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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