Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
