he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
