The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
