in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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