if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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