I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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