I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
