you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
