Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
