So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
