dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
