also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
