went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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