bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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