I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
