first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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