I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
