6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
