why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
