Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
