I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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