just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
